I use to stare at a leaf on a flower and imagine it being someone elses past life. And when the wind would catch it and move, I believed it was the way reincarnated person was speaking to me.

Lazy day

1. Clean Room
2. Eat
3. Play Sims

Lj has a feature where you can post from your phone - what i'm doing now. That works. But i'm also suppose to be able to post photos. Not working. Fuck you Lj

I give up

Ugh nvm it didnt work

you have to use their website then it posts. wtf ever - gay shit

i tried coying myspaces code but its an application and not even included in the coding whatsoever.

fear not, i will not give up

I added CellSpin to this shit. Not sure how it will work.Trying to test it, but this shits gay.

So if it works, and you see randomly posted cell pictures - thats me showing you my day to day life, at that moment. You take a photo and send it directly to livejournal - and it SHOULD post immediately...

revenge is sweet

You know whats funny, when he stepped off that plane back in June... I felt something different. Right at that moment, it did not feel right. Intuition is strong I suppose.

I am completly over him. It only saddens me that I cried over not getting attention. That is only my own fault for staying around waiting, expecting love and attention. I am truly over this time. I am moving on.

Nonstop for 4 years he messages girls, sent nude photos, sent videos, etc etc. He knew he had a problem, didn't get help, and then continued to do it. Wouldn't you think they rid what is problematic? Nope, just spent more time on it.

I'm not sticking around to see if he'll change because quite frankly, I do not care. If he does, good for him - maybe someone will enjoy his company and he can truly love them. As for me, I hope to meet at a man at college - a real man. Who actually thrives to be someone in life - without taking the easy route or depending on others to help them. I'll find him one day - and he definately is not in my exhusband.

I don't miss him one bit, I dont even feel love for him anymore. I'm not lonely. I'm actually quite content. I just find him utterly disusting, ashamed I was ever seen with him in public, completly repulsed by him.

And why you ask, is it so easy to throw away 4 years?....

To let the world know - cause I couldn't care about him two shits here's a list of what he did: joined singles websites (while married), sent videos of himself jacking off to women, sent pictures of himself nude and shoving shit up his ass to women, received nude photos and women and underage women at that, asked women to cam with him (which i'm sure he did so and even jacked off for them), posted on craigslist to find someone, stole my credit cards, lied about everything - even simple nonhurtful things, shoplifted and went to jail, spent every last cent of our money, hasn't had a job in 6 months because hes depenadble on others.

Now mind you, this is only what I know from snooping.... imagine what he's done that I hadn't found.

Here's to the future, cause I'm done with the past.

I think i'm going to start a new journal.
I'll post what my username is when I make it.

Whenever it becomes a vacation from scool I feel like writing, but I don't want to be associated with this username any longer, so away it goes.

new beginning like i said, right?

A lot went wrong in 2007, as well as alot went right.
2007 began at Erics house drunk, being shot with BBs and lighting fireworks in my hand. Everyone got along then. A few days later, Eric found out his son, my nephew, passed away. We still don't really know all the details. RIP Justin Michael Niege Curtis. Then it was Chris' 21st birthday party. Our small little apartment had 21 people in it at one point that night, but then Erics depression/anger came out, influenced by the death of his child/alcohol/and being a boy. A fight broke out, and the party ended early. Later that month Chris lost his job, leaving us struggling month-to-month with rent, bills, and hunger. He wasn't finding a job, nor was anyone hiring. Luckily I had two jobs, but it was rough with being a full time student as well. By April he found a job at Staples, but they were only giving him 8 hours a week, still trying to find a new job. Also in April, I found out I could graduate from Merced College with my Associates degree if I petitioned to graduate. I wanted the hell out of that school, so I did. At first I was denied, but I went in and stood my ground with the dean, and got my way. I'm more proud of sticking up for myself and talking to someone with so much power, rather than getting a degree. Before I met Chris, I sheltered myself in my room and wouldn't talk to anyone, nor would I express myself if I disagreed. I wasn't always that way; until I moved here. He brought the old me back. So in May, I graduated with my degree and put in to transfer to Chico University or Stanislaus University. I got in to both, but because we had no money, I decided to go to Stanislaus. In September I started school at Stanislaus, it was a lot easier then I expected. Chris was still struggling to find a job, and it was about this time he decided the military was his only choice. A few years ago he tried to join, but I wouldn't let him. But now that Bush is almost out of office, I agreed. I grew up military, and I miss it. I loved moving around, meeting new people, living in new cities. It's the military life, it's all I've ever known - until I moved here. And I hate it. Chris and I had planned on getting married in the future, but because the military has so much to offer to married couples we pushed it forward. We planned a wedding in a week. It wasn't traditional, extravagent, or expensive. It was just two people who love each other, signing a paper, and making it official. My mom helped me pick out a dress, my shoes, and she made my bouqet. She helped me with my hair the day we got married and helped while I got dressed backstage. Right before my dad and I walked down the aisle he hugged me, and I almost started crying. It was beautiful. Chris smiled and didn't take his eyes off me during his vows. I love him. I love him even more now that we're married. It took awhile for it to feel different, and now it does. I wouldn't change it for anything. He knows me better than I know myself, he understands me more then I understand myself. It's amazing. Funny thing is, it was love at first sight. It really does exsist. I first seen him my 11th grade in English class. I thought he was SO gorgeous. We made eye contact and stared at each other, but I looked away because I got nervous lol. I remember seeing him with his girlfriend of the time and going *man she's ugly, hey I have a shot!* HAHA. Well then in 2004 we met again, but at a neighborhood BBQ. We've been together since <3. Okay, enough of the mushy stuff. Let's see..my mom got a new car, so I got her BMW =], so now I roll in style. Chris left for boot camp on October 30th, it was a horrible day. I cried and cried and cried like the biggest baby in the world. November.. my nephew Jacob was in a horrible car accident. I got a call at work and thought he died. I was shaking and started crying, I was so scared. He was in a car with his great grandma, something happened and she ran a red light and hit a train, so hard the train derailed. The car flipped over and she had died, possibly died before the accident? We're still waiting on the autopsy. Jacob, not even in a car seat, amazingly survived the accident. We are all so thankful and believe she saved his life. Jacob was taken to the Childrens Hospital and oddly he had no scratches or bruises, but there was a discovery of something wrong with his heart. It's a rare condition, and the doctors aren't even sure how to handle it. He has to go for check ups every three months. Hopefully, he will be fine. A week later was my 21st birthday, but we were all shoken up over Jacob and worried for him, that it kinda came and went. I got a new phone, memory card, money, and a Chanel bag/wallet. We did the bar scene, but I don't remember what I had except Irish car bomb & 151 with pineapple. Chris came home for Christmas December 19th, I was so excited. I still remember the look on his face we he walked around the corner. He didn't see me at first, he had such a proud look on his face. We had a great Christmas. New Years sucked because I had to work, but we went to a party after, I got home at 11:40pm. Got drunk, came home, and had a good night ;)

Another year, a new beginning.
Before Chris left back for bootcamp, we went to 6 Flags and a casino. We became members at the casino because we're cool like that. Oh, and we went bowling. Then January 3rd he left back for bootcamp, horrible horrible feeling telling someone goodbye. I know he'll come back, and I know I'll see him again. It just sucks, sleeping alone, being alone, not having him here to hold, to talk to - nothing. He graduates bootcamp February 8th, so I've already bought my plane ticket. It's going to be a good trip. First I'm seeing Kat, then shes taking me to see Chris-damnit I just remembered I need a hotel! I'm so excited to see them both. I've been friends with Kat for almost 9 years. I already bought my plane ticket, that was stressful. Man, when I get stressed I feel so sick. Just thinking about getting a hotel is making me nasueated. Well since I remembered to do that, I guess i'll go make a reservation. Growing up isn't too fun most of the times.

Wow it's been a long time. [i think i say that every time]

My head fuckin hurts so bad, I think i'm dehydrated, but I don't feel like drinkin water HAHA

I got married!! October 21, 2007 <3 yayyyy I love Chris

I don't feel like writing.. ima do a survey instead

[haaha im watching home improvement, and its the espisode where randy comes back from "college" and he's ignored] pointless? yes.

Well it's 1:30 p.m. and I sorta just woke up lol. I woke up at 9am, ate cereal, then watched t.v. but fell asleep while watching it.

Whitey had a urinary tract infection, so he's on 3 medications and it cost freaking $150. I wasn't going to take him, but everyone said he needed antibiotics. I was just going to give him these vitamins we found at PetSmart. I only took him to the vet because the internet said he could die within 48 hours, and I really didn't want to wake up to a dead animal. Then the Vet. said it couldn't been worse because he could've been hospitalized if I had waited longer and that would've been $1000s. Crazy huh, for a pet?! I need pet insurance. Which they do have! But it's $12 a month.. well, i guess that would've saved me money now wouldn't it?

I got this credit card application in the mail and I was going to do it until I realized there was a first time set up fee and an annual fee, so yeah wtf! I didn't do it. But I wanted to for emergency usage. So I looked for other cards and found one on chase.com check this out:

"..10% off food and merchandise at participating Six Flags locations. Apply today and earn one (1) Free Six Flags General Admission ticket after your first purchase!"
Freaking awesome right? They have a bunch of cards based on your interests. One was for ASPCA. I was going to do it, but they said that they already get 2 million a year. I'd rather fund cancer or aids, or teachers.

Speaking of, I donated money to the cancer walk thing... and to PetSmart "Would you like to donate a dollar for animals" of course! They make it so easy when you just have to press a button when you're purchasing stuff.

I start school here soon. The big school, an actual school. California State University, Stanislaus. At first I was really bummed about attending there because EVERYONE goes there. I felt like it was an easy place to get admitted to.. yadda yadda. I wanted to try. But after realizing I have no money to attend elsewhere I gave in. Then I graduated from Merced College, and the pride and exicement i felt walking between the teachers.. was the best feeling ever. At that point, I realized it didn't matter where I graduated from. Hopefully, I can make it through. First Dutra to graduate college. What an achievement. And I'm not pregnant or married yet! Then again, I'm only 20 lol.

My mom bought a Wii and it's so fun! We're over there visiting constantly now..hahah. The first time I did the fitness I got 60!!!!!!!!! Good lord, I'm old and unfit. But the other day I got 30, so I've improved.. what what. haha.

Ok, I guess I'll attempt to make this pretty because I don't work tonight and I'm incredibly bored.

To all of you who shop at Hollywood Video, visit Hollywood Video, or know someone who goes to Hollywood Video:

I hate you =]

First off, if you're mexican and have 8 children, don't bring them to Hollywood Video! We're not your babysitter. Don't let them play Hide-N-Go-Seek, and don't join them as they play!

If you're a tweaker.. just keep peadling on your bike.. please. Your teethless, scars, rashes, and seizure moving self, scares me. Go spend your tweak money elsewhere.

If you're looking for a movie, wait in line! You impatient piece of shit. It's called manners. If i'm helping someone, don't get on the side of the counter and ask me for a movie.

If you can't pronounce the movie, you should learn first. Just so you know, as you walk away we all talk shit about you. It isn't called "Ape-lick-tock" it's "A-pock-ta-lip-toe." Knowledge is power!

If you seen a preview on t.v. for a movie, it means it's in the THEATERS not at Hollywood Video. Yes, Spiderman 3 is out.. in the theaters. Pay closer attention. Oh, and the Hills Have Eyes 3, doesn't exist, so quit arguing. It's part 2 that just hit theaters.

If we tell you a movie is in Spanish, that means it's a FOREIGN film. Thus, all Pans Labyrinth are in Spanish. If you grab a different copy of the movie, it'll still be in Spanish.

And lastly, I work at Hollywood Video! So no, I haven't seen any of the new releases. I can't recommend a movie to you, so quit asking.

(i'm sure there's more i can complain about, but for now, this will do)

*will add more later*

i dotn know how the fuck i made her it hear but let m,e tell uthe room is fucking spinning is=ts naking me so dizzy NOQ i feel sickj

This is called a drunkk postedage so minus the mistkaes okay? fcuck yeah

I went over to Jenniferst onight we had Margaritas oh yes oh yes, Secky bitch, whoah a im swayoing,. um we had a lot shots and by a lot i mean about 10 in a materer of 5 hoursa.,. people kept disapperaing but i dunno where they went. i had to walk chris home hess drunker than i. homo, my mom said why do girls outlsat boys., i said because were more hardwcore. i have perma frost in my tummy and margaritas in my vagina, if only chris were awake. he passewd out soon., i had to walk him home. it's weird swaying. but quite entertaining. i will try to write normale. is that right normale? h shit idk remmember, i think ima pass out at the compujters.
]
ow else caN I EMbarass myselff?

o fuuckin dunno., let me go pee. ill be bback.
i just ran in myh house
i should nt be lefrt alone

chris WAS passwd out alreadt. there was either a roach or spider on the toilet. fuckin ghetto view

i don't wann ago to bed.. but shittts.

did i mention pepppermint shnops is 100 proof

fuck

verything i sso blury.34.5a,m

I only write in this during su mmer lol...

Well, I just called CSU, Stanislaus to get the transcript confusion settled. I was accepted June 11. It feels good being accepted to colleges because you always hear of people being denied lol. Although, I do have an AA, but whatever. I was accepted bitch. I just need to send in my final transcripts. Which means I have to go to the school.. ugh. It's so far!

I'm rich, i'm rich. My second paycheck just hit lol it's nice seeing more than 100 dollars in your bank. Ah, the life of a know-it-all twenty year old. Atleast I don't live with my parents hah.

Our dishwasher exploded the other night. Chris and I was playing cards on the living room floor at like 2am and then I saw a huge flash and a funky boomish noise, so I looked over to the dishwasher and saw a spark but I was thinking dishwashers don't spark!? So I kept staring, then i saw fire. I was like Chris turn off the dishwasher!! And he runs, then stops, "Wait why?" me-"just do it! its about to catch on fire!" he goes up to it and it's all smoking! And guess what, our dishwasher, that the apartments so kindly furnished us with, was on a RECALL list for causing FIRES!

I'm on an absolute mad hunt trying to find me a dog. Chris agreed to one finally! Ever since I seen Dewie, my brothers long hair Chihuahua, I wanted a small dog so much. They're adorable. It's like a cat, that minds! And all the cute stuff you can buy for them at Target and PetSmart! Eep! I can't wait! lol. I'ma buy me a doggie purse too. lol. I want a Maltese, but a tan colored one. Or a toy poodle. I've never been into poodles though because they seem so..uppidty.. Maltese are too I guess. They're show dogs. Whatever they're adorable with the right hair cut.

So if I get married to Chris, the entire wedding is paid for lol. Apparently, Chris grandpa wants to pay for the entire thing lol. .... I'll wait. It's nice being so accepted by another family though. Last night we went to the hosiptal because his grandma was in there. When we left, everyone gave me a hug too. I felt special. And Chris' mom always says "love you" I'm not really use to saying "i love you" because we dont say it often in my family, so I have yet to say it back. It feels so awkward.

Well, in about an hour I'm going to the private pool to swimmm. So I'ma eat before I go and go watch television. =D Then go to lovely work. I love closing nights. I really do. lol My whole day isn't ruined. I just go in for a few hours to pick up the store and wah-lah I'm done. 9-12am is the best shift eva niggah.

<3 Tara

A is for age: 20

B is for beer of choice: I don't like beer, but I perfer Malibu or tequila

C is for career right now: student, student aide, teachers aide, and hollywood video slave

D is for your dog's name: Nosotros no tenemos un perro, ella murió. =(

E is for essential item you use everyday: Mi automobile

F is for favorite TV show at the moment: Full House, Still Standing, & Reba. Heck yes.

G is for favorite game: Spades, Poker, Scabble, & Hide-N-Seek lol

H is for Home town: Nada. Soy un mocoso militar, así que movimos mucho

I is for instruments you play: I can play simple songs on the guitar and piano. Word.

J is for favorite juice: Juice? erm.. fruit punch?

K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: gay... I'd have to say Aimee.. whore

L is for last place you ate: Right hurr bitches. Ate hot cheetos with limon lol

M is for marriage: I wear a promise ring. I told him I wouln't marry a guy that works at staples, so we're working on it.

N is for your full name: Tara Venecia D***a

O is for overnight hospital stays: Nada

P is for people you were with today: A lot actually my mom was having a memorial day BBQ. So here's the list lol: mom, sean, joanie, jessica 1, jessica 2, jacob, jeslyn, joshua, eric, aimee, mark, nadia, dalton, nadine, trish, brad, jesse, sunshine, noah, chris, probably more lol

Q is for quote: from small things comes great power

R is for registered voter? No. California is a democratic state, so I don't need to. They agree with what I agree with, occasionally.

S is for status: Promised ringed lol

T is for time you woke up today: 1:30pm ah yeah love not being in school

U is for underwear you have on now: red chonies outlined in poka dolts

V is for vegetable you love: brocolli and carrots

W is for worst habit: eating hahahahhaahhah

X is for x-rays you've had: my teeth and my chest because i swolled glass

Y is for yummy food you ate today: chicken and chocolate covered almonds lol

Z is for the zodiac sign: Scorpio..

EVERYONE HAS THEIR FIRSTS:

FIRST REAL BEST FRIEND: Alexis Reynoso. Bakersfield. Grades K-4. WHAT
FIRST SCHOOL: Loudon Elementary Bakersfield, Ca
FIRST CELL PHONE: in 9th grade. Nokia..something. Kat knows she has it written on her window l,
FIRST FUNERAL: either 9th or 10th grade. my friends grandma died
FIRST PET: gold fishies and Snowball <3
FIRST BIG TRIP: Went to Hawaii in 11th grade with the high school
FIRST FIGHT: I have 3 olders brothers.. guess
FIRST CELEBRITY CRUSH: Oh geez. Leonardo DiCaprio.. fo sho
FIRST TIME OUT OF THE COUNTRY?: Never. I practically live in Mexico, so no point into going south and Canada is too far and isn't appealing to me. An i'm too cheap to fly.
FIRST JOB: Merced College developmental education student assistant
FIRST MYSPACE FRIEND: Tom lol
FIRST LOVE: Christopher

EVERYONE HAS THEIR LASTS:

LAST PERSON YOU HUGGED: Christopher
LAST CAR RIDE: Coming home from el worko sucko
LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: My graduation night, i was disappointed.
LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED: Clerks 2
LAST FOOD YOU ATE: hot cheeeeeetos
LAST ITEM BOUGHT: cherry pepsi and chocolate covered almonds. had to reach my numbers at work
LAST SHIRT WORN: Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take?
LAST PHONE CALL: Our house
LAST TEXT MESSAGE: My mommy
LAST KISS: christophers when i came home
LAST THING YOU TOUCHED: el keyboard y mouse
LAST FUNERAL: my rat died
LAST TIME AT THE MALL: thursday because i was looking for a shirt for gradation, but i wouldnt call our mall a mall. its like a building with stores
LAST TIME YOU WERE EXCITED FOR SOMETHING: friday night. best feeling. getting my Associates Degree at Merced College
LAST PERSON YOU SAW: chris
LAST THING YOU DRANK: soda
LAST PERSON THAT BROKE YOUR HEART: no comment el maestro
LAST TIME YOU WERE REALLY HONESTLY HAPPY?: Friday night i was ecctastic

Ah yes. Cliche indeed.

... Envy this bitch ...

Well, last month I went to a transfer counselor for advice on colleges because I had no idea where I wanted to go. To sum it up, he said for me to try and transfer now because I have the units. So, I was expecting to have another semester left, but nope. It's all going quickly.

I had a graduation evaluation done and am waiting for an approval/denial in the mail. I applied a month late for graduation, so I had to do a petition too. Then I had a meeting with the dean to have a grade changed to get my GPA higher. Which is now a 2.95. I'm kinda disappointed by that, but it's because I became a slacker at times. I proud of last semester. I took 18 units, took the hardest class on campus with the hardest teacher, had two jobs, and volunteered 4 hours per week. And I passed all classes. I amaze myself. Anyways, back on subject.

Today I applied to two Universities: CSU, Chico and CSU, Stanislaus. I wanted to go to Chico or Cal Poly SLO, but SLO isn't accepting applications anymore. And Stan. is just my fall back.

I feel grown up.

I work two jobs. I'm about to receive my AA in University Studies. I'm going to transfer to a CSU in August. I live on my own. I bought my own car. I pay rent. I pay bills. I have a credit card. I'm not married. I'm not pregnant, nor will I be. I have a steady and loving relationship.

I'm better than you. =]